Person adopts the most terrified kitten in the shelter, and after months of careful trustbuilding, she finally lets herself be petted and purrs: '[She was] trying to make herself as small as possible'

Mariel Ruvinsky • Writer and Editor

Oct 23, 2026 11:00 AM EDT

With shy cats, patience pays off more than anything else.

We, as humans, have a certain understanding of what love looks like. And whether we do it on purpose or not, we apply that understanding to our cats as well. Now, with dogs, it's simpler. Their way of showing affection is very obvious, it's very in your face. With cats, it's not quite that easy. Some cats are total velcro cats. They are all about physical contact. They will cuddle with you and climb up on you, and if you don't pet them at least 116 times a day, they will riot and directly on your face. But most cats are not like that.

Cats have their own love language. Cats show affection by slowly blinking at you. They show affection by turning their back on you, by sleeping next to you, by spending long stretches of time in the same room as you. And we know- that's not the same as cuddling your cat. Of course it's not. But their expression of love is no less valid than yours.

And then, there are shy cats. And shy cats, ones who are a little scared of humans, a little wary of letting their guard down, they show affection in their own ways as well. They do it in small ways, slowly warming up to you. We can't tell you the exact way. It's up to you to pay attention to them and learn how they show love. And you have to appreciate those little things just as much as you would a cuddle session. Maybe once you do that, once they feel comfortable enough with you, they will learn a little about your love language as well.

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"My terrified shelter kitty has become cuddly and affectionate!"

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Can we just say that this is so wholesome? The fact that you have always wanted cats and went into the shelter looking for the shyest and saddest cat? That's not something that should be taken for granted. We think that most people in your position would go for the opposite - the most outgoing and openly affectionate cat - an easier experience for a first-time cat owner. But it is far more rewarding the way that you did it, isn't it? It may have taken months for this cat to openly show you love, but we can only imagine how much your heart bust with joy once she did. There is nothing better than seeing your cat finally feeling safe and loved around you.
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That - that is what a happy cat looks like. It's not even about whether they cuddle with us or not. It's seeing them like this. Belly up, fully comfortable, zero thoughts or concerns in their mind. This is the most rewarding part of adopting a shy cat. Everything else is a bonus. Cuddles are a bonus. But… they are a really nice bonus. I've been a cat owner for 11 and a half years, and from personal experience, I will say that your cat coming over to cuddle you is something that you never ever get tired of. Ever.
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